From Resisting to Resigning

Do you ever find that right when you are on the brink of a major turning point in an area of your life, you, someone else, or something in your life causes you to resist getting there? Here's a simple example. Say you want to train for a marathon (I have THOUGHT of training for a marathon many times...key word being: thought.) :) I have actually even begun the training. But something always seems to hold me back from full on, serious training and preparing for this kind of race. Why is this?! I have always enjoyed running. But I make ridiculous excuses. "I don't want to get injured.", "I don't have enough time to really prepare.", "I haven't been seeing serious results in my fitness level yet.", "I don't like running for that long."

This is the kind of resistance I've been struggling with in my spiritual walk the past few months. I feel the Holy Spirit pressing me to face some things and make some changes in my heart. I recently went through the book "Believing God" by Beth Moore. This book opened my eyes to the reality of my struggle with FEAR. There were five statements Beth encouraged us to repeat over and over until we truly believed them. The statement I most wrestled to believe was: "I am who God says I am." Here's the thing: I believe I am who God says I am in my head. But I struggle with the truth of this statement in my heart. You probably wouldn't know it from my outward words and actions. I mostly act as if I believe I am who God says I am. Where this struggle is hidden is in the recesses of my heart where I am tempted to care more about what others think than what God says is true. 

There are real struggles in my life that I know Jehovah-Rapha, God my HEALER, wants to heal and help me overcome. His desire is not that I live in fear. He wants me to know security in Him. Because in Christ that is what I have! So why do I resist healing? How come I make excuses? The bible tells me to seek Him with ALL OF MY HEART. I am learning that anything short of that simply won't do. Jesus wants all of me. But my flesh continues to resist some of the places God wants me to go with Him. Satan also knows this. The last thing he wants is for us to be in right relationship with God. So when we are in right relationship with God, the last thing he wants is for us to experience freedom from sin. He wants to keep us enslaved, tied to the world and the things that hold us back from intimacy with Christ. But God, in his unfailing and sovereign LOVE, continues to pull me towards Himself. He whispers my name, "Amanda...come to me...let me heal you... don't give up... keep pressing towards the goal... I alone can satisfy and give you real freedom." I need only to surrender to His call to come to Him. Resist means to "attempt to counter the actions or effects of" (God's work in my life). Resign, however, means to give up or give over and come to accept (God's work in my life). Instead of resisting God's work in my heart, I want to resign every area of myself over to Him.

This afternoon I walked past my parents dining room table and the bible was opened to Psalm 103. This passage, verses 1-5, jumped out at me and encouraged my weary heart:

"Praise the Lord, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, O my soul and forget not all his benefits-- who FORGIVES all your sins and HEALS all your diseases, who REDEEMS your life from the pit and CROWNS you with love and compassion, who SATISFIES your desires with good things so that your youth is RENEWED like the eagle's." 

Thank you Jesus...for forgiving, healing, redeeming, crowning, and renewing me. You never give up on us. Your love endures FOREVER.

Learning to Rest.

God has given me some time to rest up and renew myself this weekend, which I am SO thankful for. I've simply had time to read, soak in His presence, enjoy His creation, spend time with my husband...and rest some more. Sometimes it is SO difficult for me to wind down after a long week. Yesterday I kept thinking, "I should do something", "I should call someone", "I should work on this...or clean that..." etc, etc. The Lord is teaching me how much I require rest...not only physically but spiritually! When I rest physically, I feel my spirit literally rest and fall into the arms of God once again. I am continually reminded that whatever I do is not by my own strength, but His strength alone.

Resting is actually an act of obedience. When I look up the term "Sabbath rest" in the bible, TONS of verses come up, all giving generally the same message: "Work six days. The seventh day is a Sabbath, a day of total and complete rest, a sacred assembly. Don't do any work. Wherever you live, it is a Sabbath to God." (Leviticus 23:3). There is so much freedom in knowing that God wants us to take a Sabbath...a day of "total and complete rest." In our fast-paced culture, it's so easy to feel guilty for doing 'nothing.' But the Lord, in His infinite wisdom, understanding us intimately, knows how much we require rest. I thank Him for that and that I'm learning to obey this command.

I still feel guilty sometimes...I fall back to the "I shoulds", as I think about all I need to get done: grocery shopping, picking up this or that, working on day plans, cleaning the house....and the list goes on. But as I learn to trust the Lord completely, I also am learning to trust that He knows what is best for me...for all of His people.

The Lord alone provides the rest we so desperately need. In Matthew 11:28-30 Jesus says, "Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." 

Serve the ONE

Writing has always been an amazing outlet for me. It is the best way for me to process how I am growing personally, especially in my relationship with Christ....which really directly relates to every area of growth in my life. I find that I usually feel most prompted to write when I have been reading and learning a lot and have some things to process. I spent the past 4 months going through the book of Ephesians...it's amazing how much more you take from a book of the bible when you take the time to go through it slowly... 3-4 verses at a time. I also recently finished a book called, "Kisses from Katie." An amazing, inspiring book that I feel everyone would benefit from reading. It's about a girl named Katie, who is now about 22 years old. Right out of high school she moved to Uganda for what she thought would be a temporary, one-year commitment to teach. But Uganda completely stole her heart and she now lives there permanently. She has...get this...adopted 14 girls from Uganda!!...and she began "Amazima ministries", which seeks to reveal Christ's love to the Ugandan people.

This book challenged me in MANY, many incredible ways, but I think the biggest thing I took from it was the importance of serving the one God has placed in front of me. My love and passion for Jesus is best shown in serving and loving others....whoever God's placed in front of me at this moment...my husband, a child in my classroom, a teenager at youth, my Grandmother who's losing strength, my sweet sister who lives across the country, a woman at church on a Sunday, a downcast cashier, a lonely friend.... WHOever God places in front of me...that is who I am called to show Christ's love to. It's easy to become discouraged when we look at all of the pain and suffering and hurt in the entire world...there is a lot of it. And I am just ONE person. BUT....I am here for a reason. You are here for a reason. God has a purpose for you in this day, in this moment. He desires for us to love and serve one another with radical love.

Jesus, may I serve and love you by serving and loving the ones you place in front of me each and every day. 

Love each other as I have loved you ~ John 15:12